Elementary School

Age-appropriate lessons for K-5th grade about safety, boundaries, and healthy relationships

Kindergarten

Kindergarten (5-6)

Starting school for the first time is a big transition for children and families. This year is about building simple, healthy foundations for relationships, feelings, and safety. This guide gives you practical ways to start important conversations at home using language your child can understand.

Permissions

Key Points

Kindergarten is a great time to help children practice what asking permission looks like in everyday life.
One goal is teaching children to ask before taking or using something that belongs to someone else. You can practice together by passing an item back and forth while modeling simple language. For Example:
- Parent: “Can I borrow what you’re holding?”
- Child: “Yes.”
- Child: “Can I borrow what you’re holding?”
- Parent: “Yes.”

Another important topic is to have children ask before touching someone else. You can practice this in a similar way. For example:
- Parent: Can I give you a hug?
- Child: Yes. (hugs parent)
- Child: Can I give you a hug?
- Parent: Yes. (hugs child)
Practice also what happens when someone else says “no.” Repeat these example scenarios with your child, with the answer being no instead, and model appropriate responses by saying:
- That’s okay!
- No problem!
- Maybe next time!
Talk about how it can feel when someone says no. Feeling disappointed or frustrated is normal, and those feelings can always be shared with a trusted adult.

Boundaries

Key Points

Children have boundaries, even when they are still learning how to express them. Help your child learn simple words to communicate those boundaries.
Let your child know it is okay to say no to hugs or touch, even with family members. Phrases like “no thanks,” “I’m okay,” or “not right now” all count as a no.
If someone does not respect their no, remind them to tell a trusted adult.
Modeling matters! By modeling behaviors, we show children that adults also engage in this behavior, and encourage them to follow. When you need to help your child with cleaning, caregiving, or first aid, narrate what you are doing so they understand the touch is safe.
For example, if your child scrapes their knee, you can narrate what you are doing to keep them healthy. A sample script might be:
- “I am touching your leg now to take a look at your knee.”
- “I am going to use this cleaner to make sure I get all of the dirt out. It may sting a little bit, just let me know if it hurts too much.”
- “I am going to touch the injury to put this ointment on. It will help your scrape feel better.”
This teaches children that safe touch is explained, respectful, and meant to help.

Emotions

Key Points

Children experience many emotions every day. Helping them name feelings builds confidence and safety.
Instead of labeling emotions as good or bad, help your child understand that all feelings are normal. Labeling emotions as neutral, whether they are ours or our childs’, allows the child to recognize that feelings are normal.
We want children to be able to feel, identify, and handle the emotions that come up.
To start, we can teach children how to identify their emotions–whether they are strong or quiet. We can talk about how they might feel inside, or how their bodies might react.
- Happy: smiling, bouncy, giggling
- Calm: quiet, relaxed, slow breathing
- Sad: teary, quiet, ball in throat
- Angry: tight muscles, words that feel like they’re going to spill out
With your child, make a plan for how they might handle their emotions. What emotions are hard for them to handle? How can they return to a calm baseline? What emotions do they enjoy feeling?
- To return to a calm baseline, you can recommend:
  - Talking to a trusted adult about how they’re feeling.
  - Mindfulness exercises for kids, like taking a few deep breaths in and out or coloring.
  - Letting energy out safely, like running around or playing.
The goal is not to avoid feelings but to recognize and handle them safely.

With your child, make a plan for how they might handle their emotions. What emotions are hard for them to handle? How can they return to a calm baseline? What emotions do they enjoy feeling?
- To return to a calm baseline, you can recommend:
  - Talking to a trusted adult about how they’re feeling.
  - Mindfulness exercises for kids, like taking a few deep breaths in and out or coloring.
  - Letting energy out safely, like running around or playing.
The goal is not to avoid feelings but to recognize and handle them safely.

Empathy

Key Points

From a young age, it’s important to incorporate recognizing the feelings of others into conversations with children.
Now that we’ve taught them about their own emotions, we can teach them how to recognize the same feelings in others.

Have your child practice questioning how others might feel based on the actions they take or words they might say. For example:
- “How would you feel if someone took your toy without asking?”
- “How might another child feel if that happened to them?”
These conversations help children connect actions with emotions and build respect for others.

Trusted Adults

Key Points

At this age, we should encourage children to talk to the trusted adults in their lives when they feel uncomfortable, when something is wrong, and when someone doesn’t follow the rules.
You may notice we use the term trusted adult instead of safe adult. For young children, “safe” can sometimes mean someone who feels nice or familiar. We use trusted adult to help children focus on adults who listen, respect boundaries, and help them when something feels wrong. Trust is built through actions.
- It is important to know that prevention research and child advocacy work consistently show that harm usually comes from people children know or feel comfortable with, not strangers.
- This aligns with trauma-informed practice. From a clinical and advocacy perspective, “safe adult” can accidentally sound absolute, which isn’t always how children experience relationships. “Trusted adult” feels more realistic and empowering.
Teach your child to tell a trusted adult if:
- They feel unsafe for any reason
- Someone asks them to keep a secret
- Someone hurts their feelings
- Someone hurts their body
- They know someone else got hurt

Making a list of trusted adults with your child is a great way to prepare them with a safe, reliable group of people to approach if they encounter a situation where adult intervention is needed. Make sure to include people from different parts of their life, such as home, school, and activities.
- You can use the Telling Tree activity to help your child identify trusted adults and talk about why each person feels safe. This is a great way to start a discussion, including the following questions:
  - “How has this adult shown that they are safe?”
  - “What kinds of things can I tell this person?”

Clean + Healthy Rule

Key Points

The Clean and Healthy rule helps children understand that the only people who may need to look at or touch private parts are trusted adults who are helping keep them clean or healthy.
Clean
- Explain that when they were very small, they could not keep themselves clean. You or another caregiver had to do that for them, like giving them a bath.
- Now that they are older, they don’t need as much help keeping themselves clean.
- Let them know that sometimes, there are times when they may need help–like if they have a cast that needs a special covering before a shower, or if they have hair on their head that they need help washing.
- Tell your child that no adults should be offering to help keep them clean, and if they do, to tell you or another trusted adult.

Healthy
- Talk to your child about the importance of making sure they are healthy and growing properly. At yearly checkups, their pediatrician does need to look at or touch their private parts (of course, with their guardian’s permission).
- However, a doctor or medical provider who is not doing a checkup or making sure they are healthy does not count as a doctor who can look at or touch their private parts. For example, a doctor who is making sure a child’s foot is healing from a break does not need to look at their private parts.
- Remind your child that you will be in the room with them, and if they ever feel uncomfortable, you can set up a signal–like a hand squeeze or a special word.
- Tell your child that when it doesn’t make sense for a doctor or medical provider to be looking at specific areas of the body, they shouldn’t be doing so, and to tell you or another trusted adult.

Parent Note:

Why we use correct body part names
- Using correct body part names helps children communicate clearly if they ever have a question or need help. It also teaches children that every part of their body is normal and not something to feel embarrassed about. You can use simple, matter-of-fact language, just like you would for any other body part.

1st Grade

1st Grade (6-7)

First grade is a year when children start gaining more independence at school, with friends, and in everyday decisions. This guide helps you continue building safety skills while encouraging confidence, communication, and healthy boundaries as your child’s world grows.

Permissions

Key Points

At this age, children can begin understanding that permission shows respect for other people’s bodies, feelings, and belongings.
Continue practicing asking before taking or touching something that belongs to someone else, and help your child notice how permission helps everyone feel comfortable.
You can model permission in everyday moments:
- “Can I sit next to you?”
- “Can I borrow this?”
- “Do you want a hug?”
Talk about how people may answer differently and that everyone has a right to say yes or no. If someone says no, help your child practice respectful responses such as:
- “Okay.”
- “Maybe another time.”
- “Thanks for telling me.”

Boundaries

Key Points

First graders are learning to express preferences and make small independent choices at school and with friends. This is a good time to help them practice clear, simple boundary language.
Remind them:
- They can say no to touch or play that makes them uncomfortable.
- It is okay to change their mind, even after saying yes.
- They can ask for space if they need it
- They should tell a trusted adult if someone does not listen.
Talk about everyday situations where boundaries might come up:
- A game that becomes too rough
- A friend wanting to hug or hold hands when they don’t want to
- Someone standing too close or taking their things
- Classmates joking in a way that doesn’t feel good
Model boundaries at home by checking in before physical affection or activities. For example:
- “Do you want a hug or a high five?”
- “Is this okay?”
This helps children understand that boundaries are normal for everyone, including adults.
Helpful phrases to practice:
- “No thanks.”
- “I don’t like that.”
- “Please stop.”
- “I need space.”

Emotions

Key Points

Children at this age are getting better at recognizing feelings but may still need help managing strong emotions.
Continue helping your child name emotions and notice how their body feels. You can ask:
- “What does that feeling feel like in your body?”
- “What do you think helped you calm down?”
Practice simple calming strategies:
- Taking slow breaths
- Talking to a trusted adult
- Moving their body
- Taking a quiet break
The goal is helping your child recognize feelings and make safe choices when emotions feel big.

Empathy

Key Points

First grade is a good time to deepen empathy by helping children connect actions with how others feel.
Ask questions that help them think about perspective:
- “How do you think your friend felt when that happened?”
- “What could you do differently next time?”
These conversations help children begin thinking about responsibility, kindness, and respect.

Trusted Adults

Key Points

Children should know they can always go to a trusted adult when something feels confusing, uncomfortable, or unsafe.
Review together when to tell a trusted adult:
- If something feels unsafe
- If someone asks them to keep a secret
- If someone hurts their feelings or body
- If they are worried about a friend
Revisit your trusted adult list regularly. As children grow, their trusted circle may expand to include teachers, coaches, or school staff. Telling Tree Activity.

Parent Note:

Why we say “trusted adult”
- We use trusted adult instead of safe adult because “safe” can sometimes mean “nice” or “familiar” to kids. Trust is built through actions. A trusted adult listens, helps, and respects boundaries.
- At this age, some children worry about “telling” or getting someone in trouble. Remind your child:
  - Telling a trusted adult is not tattling when someone feels hurt, unsafe, or uncomfortable. Trusted adults are there to help.

Clean + Healthy Rule

Key Points

The Clean and Healthy Rule reminds children that private parts are only touched or seen when a trusted adult is helping keep them clean or healthy.
Clean
- Children are becoming more independent with hygiene, but may still need help in certain situations.
- Remind them:
  - Help with cleaning should always make sense.
  - Adults should not randomly offer help with private areas.
  - If something feels confusing, they should tell a trusted adult.

Healthy
- Explain that doctors may need to examine private parts during checkups to make sure children are healthy.
- Help your child understand:
  - You will be with them during medical visits.
  - They can ask questions.
  - If something feels uncomfortable, they can tell you.

Parent Note:

Why we use correct body part names
- Using correct body part names helps children communicate clearly and confidently. It also teaches that all body parts are normal and not something to feel embarrassed about

Online Safety + Devices

Key Points

Many first graders use shared devices for games, videos, or school activities. This is a great time to start building healthy digital habits together.

Parent Note:

At this age, online safety is less about rules and more about staying involved. Watching, playing, and exploring together helps children learn what safe online experiences look like.
Children at this age still need adult guidance while using technology.
Introduce the idea of privacy:
- Private information is information about you that we only share with people we know and trust, including:
  - Your full name
  - Where you live
  - Your school
  - Your phone number
  - Passwords
  - Pictures or videos of you
Help your child practice simple safety rules as a basic skill, even if they are not using devices regularly:
- Use devices in shared spaces, not alone behind closed doors.
- Ask before downloading, clicking, or sharing anything.
- Tell a trusted adult if something online feels confusing, upsetting, or scary.
- Take breaks and balance screen time with play and movement.
Remind your child that the same rules about kindness, permission, and boundaries apply online too.
Introduce one simple problem-solving step:
- If something online feels confusing, strange, or upsetting, stop and tell a trusted adult right away.
You can reassure your child that:
- They won’t get in trouble for telling you
- You can figure things out together
This builds trust before online situations become more complex in later grades.

2nd Grade

2nd Grade (7-8)

Second graders are becoming more independent and socially aware. They are learning how their choices affect others and beginning to navigate friendships, group dynamics, and technology in new ways. This year will continue building safety skills while encouraging confidence, communication, and good judgment. Our goal is to help children notice when something feels off, make safe choices, and know when to ask for help.

Permissions

Key Points

At this age, children understand that permission is about respect for other people’s bodies, feelings, and belongings.
Continue practicing everyday permission, and add one new skill: checking in when someone seems unsure. Help your child practice:
- asking before borrowing or using something that belongs to someone else
- asking before touching (even during play)
- noticing hesitation and checking in: “Is this okay?”
Talk about how permission is ongoing. Someone can change their mind at any time, and we respect that.
You might say:
- “Did you check if that was okay?”
- “How can we make sure everyone feels comfortable?”
If someone says no, practice respectful responses like:
- “Okay.”
- “Thanks for telling me.”
- “Maybe next time.”

Boundaries + Peer Pressure

Key Points

Second graders spend more time in group settings, and they may feel pressure to go along with friends. This is a good age to teach that boundaries matter even when other kids disagree.
Remind your child:
- They can say no to touch, games, jokes, or dares that make them uncomfortable
- They can change their mind, even if they already said yes
- Good friends respect boundaries
- They do not have to do something just because “everyone else is doing it”
Talk through everyday situations such as:
- Being dared to do something
- Rough play that goes too far
- Games that stop feeling fun
- Jokes that feel mean or embarrassing
- Kids piling on, teasing, or excluding someone

Help your child notice early signs that something might be crossing a boundary:
- Their body feels tense or nervous
- They feel unsure but don’t want to speak up
- Something that was fun starts to feel uncomfortable
Practice simple phrases:
- “I don’t want to do that.”
- “Let’s do something else.”
- “I’m going to stop now.”
- “That doesn’t feel fun anymore.”
Help your child understand that if someone won’t stop or keeps pushing, they can always walk away and talk to a trusted adult.

Emotions + Choosing Responses

Key Points

Second graders are learning that feelings can be strong, but they still have choices about how they respond. This year is about noticing emotions earlier and practicing safe ways to handle them, instead of reacting automatically.
Help your child practice:
- Naming the feeling (sad, frustrated, worried, embarrassed, angry)
- Recognizing body signals (tight muscles, fast heartbeat, tears, loud voice)
- Pausing before reacting
- Choosing what to do next
You can ask:
- - “What were you feeling right before that happened?”
  - “How did your body feel?”
  - “What helped you calm down?”
  - “What could you try next time?”

Helpful strategies include:
- Taking a breath or a short break
- Counting slowly
- Moving their body (walk, stretch, run outside)
- Using words instead of actions
- Talking to a trusted adult
The goal is not avoiding feelings. It’s helping children pause, think, and learn safe ways to handle them.

Empathy + Repairing Mistakes

Key Points

Second graders can begin understanding impact, not just intention. They are also learning how to repair a friendship after something goes wrong.
Encourage conversations about:
- noticing how someone else feels
- recognizing when they hurt someone’s feelings
- taking steps to make things right

You might ask:
- “How do you think they felt?”
- “What do you think they needed in that moment?”
- “How can you fix it?”
Learning to repair mistakes helps build strong, respectful friendships. This can sound like:
- “I’m sorry.”
- “I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings.”
- “Do you want to play something else?”

Secrets vs Surprises

Key Points

Second graders may start hearing about secrets from friends. This is a great age to teach a simple rule that protects kids without scaring them.
Explain:
- Surprises are happy, temporary, and eventually shared (like a birthday gift).
- Secrets that make you feel worried, uncomfortable, or scared should always be told to a trusted adult.
Remind your child:
- “You will never be in trouble for telling a trusted adult something that made you uncomfortable.”
- “If someone says ‘don’t tell,’ that’s a sign you should tell.”

Trusted Adults

Key Points

As children grow more independent, it is important they know who they can go to when something feels confusing, uncomfortable, or unsafe.
Teach your child to talk to a trusted adult if:
- Something doesn’t feel right
- Someone ignores their boundaries
- Someone asks them to keep a secret
- They are worried about themselves or a friend
- Something online feels confusing or upsetting
Review and update your trusted adult list together. Include adults from different parts of their life such as home, school, and activities. (Telling Tree)

Parent Note:

Why we say “trusted adult”
- We use trusted adult instead of safe adult because “safe” can sometimes mean “nice” or “familiar” to kids. Trust is built through actions. A trusted adult listens, helps, and respects boundaries.
Help your child understand:
- They can ask for help even if they are not sure something is wrong
- Trusted adults help children figure things out safely
- They will never get in trouble for asking questions or speaking up

Clean + Healthy Rule

Key Points

The Clean + Healthy Rule helps children understand that private parts are only touched or seen when a trusted adult is helping keep them clean or healthy.
Clean
- Children are more independent at this age but may still need help sometimes.
- Remind them:
  - Help with cleaning should always make sense.
  - Adults should not ask to help without a clear reason.
  - If something feels confusing, they should tell a trusted adult.

Healthy
- Doctors may need to examine private parts during checkups to make sure children are healthy.
- Help your child understand:
  - You will be with them during medical exams.
  - They can ask questions.
  - They can speak up if something feels uncomfortable.
  - Medical touch should make sense for the reason they are at the doctor

Parent Note:

Why we use correct body part names
- Using correct body part names helps children communicate clearly and confidently. It also teaches that all body parts are normal and not something to feel embarrassed about.

Online Safety & Devices

Key Points

Second graders may begin using devices more independently for games, videos, schoolwork, or messaging. This is a good time to practice noticing and responding to situations online, not just following rules.
Continue talking about privacy:
- Private information is information that helps someone know who you are or where to find you, so we protect it carefully., and how it includes details that can identify your child or help someone find them, such as:
  - Full name
  - Age
  - School name
  - Address or neighborhood
  - Phone number
  - Passwords
  - Photos or videos that show where you are

Teach your child:
- Ask before downloading, sharing, or messaging
- Do not share personal information (full name, school, address, phone number, passwords)
- Tell a trusted adult if something online feels confusing, surprising, upsetting, or scary
- Remember that people online may not always be who they say they are
- If something feels off, stop and ask for help
Remind your child that the same rules about kindness, permission, and boundaries apply online too.

Parent Note:

Children do not need to manage online situations alone. Staying involved and checking in regularly builds strong digital habits before challenges become more complex.

3rd Grade

3rd Grade (8-9)

Third grade is when many children start spending more time in group settings and using technology with a bit more independence. This year is about building good judgment. Your child will practice how to handle tricky moments with friends, protect their privacy online, and speak up when something feels uncomfortable or confusing.

Boundaries

Key Points

Third graders are spending more time with friends, teams, and group activities. At this age, boundaries often show up in social situations, not just physical touch. They may feel pressure to go along with friends, so this is a good age to reinforce that boundaries still matter in groups.
Help your child understand that boundaries apply to:
- Touch and personal space
- Words and jokes
- Games and group activities
- Online interactions

Remind your child:
- It is okay to say no to touch, teasing, jokes, or games that do not feel good, even when friends say yes
- They can stop participating if something stops feeling fun
- They can change their mind at any time
- Good friends respect boundaries
Talk through real-life situations such as:
- Jokes that start to feel mean or embarrassing
- Dares or pressure to do something uncomfortable
- Rough play that goes too far
- Friends pushing after someone says no

Helpful phrases to remember:
- “Stop. I don’t like that.”
- “That’s not funny to me.”
- “I’m not doing that.”
- “I’m going to do something else.”
Teach your child that if someone keeps ignoring their boundaries, it is time to walk away and tell a trusted adult.
Continue modeling boundaries at home by checking in before physical affection or personal space.

Reading Body Language

Key Points

In previous years, your child has learned more about their own emotions and how they can have empathy for others. In third grade, children can begin noticing that people communicate with their faces and bodies, not just words. This supports empathy, boundaries, and safer choices.
You can share these examples with them to get the conversation started.:
- What do emotions look like on your child’s face?
  - For example, a child may say they know they are happy when they smile.
- What do emotions look like on other people’s faces?
  - For example, a child may say that they can tell when their friend is sad because they are frowning.

Next, talk to your child about different things people’s bodies may show.
- What do emotions look like in your body?
  - For example, a child may say that they know they are frustrated when they are crossing their arms.
- What do emotions look like on other people’s bodies?
  - For example, a child may say that they can tell when their friend is excited when they are jumping up and down.
Give some examples body language that could mean a person is uncomfortable
- Crossed arms, stepping back, looking away, quiet voice
- Laughing that seems forced
- Stiff body during a hug or game
Teach a simple rule:
- If someone looks uncomfortable, pause and check in.
- If you are not sure, ask.
- If someone says no or seems unsure, stop.

Emotions & Problem-Solving

Key Points

Third graders are beginning to experience bigger feelings connected to friendships, fairness, and belonging. At this age, the goal is helping children notice their emotions early and use them to make thoughtful choices instead of reacting quickly.
Help your child learn that feelings give us information, but they do not have to control our behavior.
Practice noticing:
- What am I feeling right now?
- What is my body doing? (tight muscles, fast heart, tears, loud voice)
- What choices do I have next?

A simple framework you can practice together: Pause → Name → Choose
- Pause: take a breath or slow down
- Name it: identify the feeling (frustrated, embarrassed, left out, angry, excited)
- Choose: decide what to do next safely
You can ask:
- “What were you feeling in that moment?”
- “What did your body feel like?”
- “What helped you calm down?”
- “What else could you try next time?”

Common situations for this age:
- Feeling left out during a game
- Losing or being corrected in front of friends
- Thinking something is unfair
- Getting frustrated when rules change
Help your child practice healthy responses:
- Taking a short break
- Using calm words
- Asking for help
- Walking away before reacting
The goal is not perfection. It is helping children understand that they always have choices about how they respond.

Empathy & Repairing Mistakes

Key Points

At this age, children begin understanding that their actions affect other people in different ways. They also start learning that even when something was not meant to hurt, it can still impact someone else.
Empathy means noticing how someone else might feel, even if their reaction is different from our own.
Help your child practice:
- Noticing facial expressions and tone of voice
- Thinking about how someone might feel in a situation
- Understanding that two people can feel differently about the same event

You can ask:
- “How do you think they felt when that happened?”
- “What do you think they needed in that moment?”
- “What could you do differently next time?”
Learning to Repair
- Third grade is a great time to teach that mistakes happen and relationships can be repaired.
- Repair is more than saying “sorry.” It can include:
  - Acknowledging what happened
  - Checking in with the other person
  - Changing behavior next time

Examples:
- “I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings. Are you okay?”
- “I see that upset you. I’ll stop.”
- “Do you want to play something else?”

You can also help children understand:
- Sometimes friends need space before talking again.
- Repair takes time.
- Everyone makes mistakes, and learning from them is part of growing.
These conversations help children build healthier friendships and stronger communication skills.

Friendships & Social Situations

Key Points

Friendships become more important and more complicated in third grade. Children may start navigating group dynamics, disagreements, or changing friendships. Learning how to handle these situations helps build confidence, empathy, and safety skills.
Help your child understand what healthy friendships look like:
- Friends are kind and respectful
- Friends listen when someone says no
- Friends do not pressure others to do things that feel uncomfortable
- Friends can disagree and still be respectful

Talk about what is normal in friendships:
- Friends sometimes argue
- Feelings can get hurt
- Friendships may change over time
Help your child recognize when something feels unhealthy:
- Repeated teasing or embarrassment
- Being pressured to do something that feels wrong
- Feeling left out all the time
- Friends ignoring boundaries
You can ask:
- “How do you feel when you are with this friend?”
- “Do you feel comfortable being yourself?”
- “What happens when you disagree?”

Practice Simple Strategies

Help your child try:
- Using calm words to share how they feel
- Taking a break when emotions are big
- Choosing different friends or activities when something doesn’t feel right
- Including others when possible
Remind your child:
- It is okay for friendships to change
- They do not have to stay in situations that feel confusing or hurtful
- Asking a trusted adult for help is always okay
Friendships should feel mostly safe, respectful, and supportive, even when there are disagreements.

Trusted Adults

Key Points

As children grow more independent, it is important they know who they can go to when something feels confusing, uncomfortable, or unsafe, both online and offline.
Teach your child to tell a trusted adult if:
- Something does not feel right
- Someone ignores their boundaries
- Someone asks them to keep a secret
- Someone hurts their feelings or body
- They feel worried about themselves or a friend
- Something online makes them uncomfortable
Create or revisit your trusted adult list together. Include adults from different parts of their life, such as: (Telling Tree)
- Home
- School
- Activities or sports
- Extended family or close family friends

Parent Note:

Why we say “trusted adult”
- We use trusted adult because trust is built through actions. A trusted adult listens, helps, and respects boundaries.
Important reminder for this age:
- Sometimes children worry they will get someone in trouble by telling. Remind your child that trusted adults are there to help keep everyone safe, not to punish them for speaking up.

Clean + Healthy Rule

Key Points

The Clean + Healthy Rule helps children understand that private parts are only touched or seen when a trusted adult is helping keep them clean or healthy.
Clean
- Children are more independent with hygiene, but may still need help sometimes. Explain that help with cleaning should always make sense and should never feel confusing or secret.
- Remind your child:
  - Adults should not ask to help with private areas without a clear reason
  - If something feels confusing, they should tell a trusted adult

Healthy
- Doctors may need to examine private parts during checkups. Explain:
  - You will be present during medical visits
  - Your child can ask questions
  - Your child can speak up if something feels uncomfortable
  - Medical touch should make sense for the reason they are at the doctor

Parent Note:

Why we use correct body part names
- Using correct body part names helps children communicate clearly and confidently. It also teaches that all body parts are normal and not something to feel embarrassed about.

Online Safety & Devices

Key Points

Third grade is a good time to teach privacy, safe communication, and what to do if something shows up online that feels confusing or uncomfortable.
Reiterate that private information is information that helps someone know who you are, where you are, or how to contact you.
- You could say:
  - “Some information is okay to share, but some information helps people figure out who you are or where you live. That kind of information stays private unless a trusted adult says it’s okay to share.”
  - “We protect private information so we stay safe and in control of what we share.”

Private information includes:
- Full name
- Age
- School name
- Address or neighborhood
- Phone number
- Passwords
- Usernames
- Photos or videos (especially anything that shows a school name, sports jersey, street sign, or location)

Help your child understand:
- Once something is shared online, it can be hard to take back
- People online may not always be who they say they are
- Kindness, permission, and boundaries apply online just like offline

Teach your child to:
- Ask before downloading, posting, or messaging
- Only chat with people and platforms you approve
- Avoid sharing personal information or photos
- Stop and tell a trusted adult if something feels confusing, upsetting, or strange
Practice “What If” situations:
- What if someone asks where you go to school?
- What if someone asks for a photo?
- What if someone sends a message that feels weird or mean?
- What if someone asks you to keep a chat secret?

Important point for this age:
- When talking to children about the internet, share with them the importance of only talking to people that they know in “real life.” The goal is not to scare them, but to help them recognize that there are lots of strangers on the internet.
  - Privacy rules: Help your child understand that there are many strangers on the internet–just like there are many strangers in real life. We don’t know these people at all, so sharing anything or interacting with them wouldn’t be safe.
  - It is also important to tell your child that there might be people who we know in real life who do engage in unsafe behaviors online. Tell your child that any behavior that would make them uncomfortable if a stranger did it is also not okay if it is somebody they know.
  - Telling a trusted adult immediately if anyone asks for private info, photos, or secrecy

A simple rule that can never be repeated enough: If something online feels confusing, surprising, or uncomfortable, stop and tell a trusted adult right away.

Gaming and social features
- Remind your child that games can include messaging, voice chat, friend requests, and links. The same rules apply:
  - Do not accept friend requests without checking with an adult
  - Do not move to private chats
  - Do not click unknown links

Introducing Artificial Intelligence
- At this age, children do not need to understand how AI works. The important thing to know is:
  - Not everything online is made by a real person
  - Not everything online is real or true
  - If something seems confusing, surprising, or strange, it is okay to pause and ask a trusted adult
- You can explain this to your child:
  - Sometimes computers make things that look very real, but they might not show something that actually happened.
- Help your child practice simple thinking skills:
  - Ask questions about what they see
  - Avoid sharing things right away
  - Check with a trusted adult if they are unsure

Parent Note:

At this age, online safety works best when adults stay involved. Regular check-ins and shared experiences help children build safe habits before challenges become more complex.
The goal at this age is not to teach technical details. It is to help children start thinking critically and understand that online content isn’t always what it seems.

4th Grade

4th Grade (9-10)

Fourth grade is often when social life starts to feel bigger and more complicated. Children become more aware of friendships, fairness, and how others see them. They may begin thinking more about fitting in, being included, and how their choices affect relationships. At the same time, many children want more independence but are still developing the judgment and emotional skills needed to navigate fast-moving situations, especially with peers or online. This year focuses on helping your child apply what they already know about empathy, boundaries, safety, and respectful communication in more realistic, everyday situations. Instead of learning entirely new concepts, fourth graders are practicing how to use those skills when friendships, emotions, and social dynamics feel more complex. The goal is to support growing independence while helping your child build confidence in making thoughtful choices.

Boundaries

Key Points

By fourth grade, boundaries become less obvious. Instead of clear yes-or-no moments, they often show up in social situations, group humor, or activities where everyone else seems comfortable but your child feels uncertain.
Children this age are becoming more aware of fitting in. They may go along with things they don’t actually enjoy because they don’t want to stand out or disappoint friends. It’s common for kids to realize after the fact that something felt uncomfortable, even if they couldn’t name it at the time.
Help your child understand that boundaries can shift. A situation that felt okay at first can stop feeling okay, and recognizing that change is an important skill, not a problem.
Real-life situations you may notice:
- Teasing that starts playful but becomes embarrassing
- Group jokes that leave someone out
- Pressure to share something personal
- Friends encouraging risky or uncomfortable behavior

Talk with your child about paying attention to what people’s faces, voices, and body language might be showing. The goal isn’t to expect children to read minds, but to build awareness that social situations involve both words and signals.
- Laughing that feels forced
- Feeling uneasy or nervous
- Wanting something to stop but not knowing how to say it
Encourage your child to check in when they are unsure or to pause and reconsider if someone seems uncomfortable. Learning to notice social cues helps children adjust their behavior and maintain respectful relationships.
Children at this age often worry about upsetting friends or being excluded. Remind them that healthy friendships make space for everyone to feel comfortable.

Reading Body Language + Social Cues

Key Points

By fourth grade, children begin noticing more subtle social signals. They may recognize when someone’s words and behavior don’t fully match, but they are still learning how to interpret those moments and respond thoughtfully.
At this age, social interactions move quickly. Kids may not pause to notice when someone looks uncomfortable, withdraws from a group, or shifts their tone. Helping your child slow down and observe these cues supports both empathy and stronger social decision-making.
Real-life situations you may notice:
- A friend says they are fine but seems upset
- Someone stops participating but doesn’t explain why
- A game or joke keeps going even though someone looks uncomfortable

Talk with your child about paying attention to what people’s faces, voices, and body language might be showing. The goal isn’t to expect children to read minds, but to build awareness that social situations involve both words and signals.
Encourage your child to check in when they are unsure or to pause and reconsider if someone seems uncomfortable. Learning to notice social cues helps children adjust their behavior and maintain respectful relationships.

Emotions + Decision-Making

Key Points

Fourth graders are becoming more aware of their emotions but may still react quickly when feelings are strong. Situations involving friendships, fairness, or embarrassment can trigger fast decisions before thinking through the outcome.
This stage is about helping children connect feelings with choices. Instead of focusing on controlling emotions, the goal is helping them recognize emotions early enough to make thoughtful decisions.
Real-life situations you may notice:
- Reacting quickly during an argument
- Responding impulsively when feeling left out
- Saying or sending something while upset

Help your child reflect on how emotions show up physically, such as feeling tense, restless, or eager to react immediately. These signals can act as early warning signs that it may be helpful to pause.
Conversations after situations happen are often most effective. Ask questions that encourage reflection:
- What were you feeling at that moment?
- What choices did you have?
- What might you try differently next time?
Over time, these conversations help children build self-awareness and stronger decision-making skills.

Empathy + Accountability

Key Points

Fourth graders are ready to begin understanding that impact matters just as much as intention. Children may not mean to hurt someone, but their words or actions can still affect others in ways they didn’t expect.
This is a common age for kids to focus on intent, saying things like, “I was just joking.” Helping them think beyond intent builds maturity and social awareness.
Real-life situations you may notice:
- A joke that hurts someone’s feelings
- Excluding someone without realizing it
- Sharing something that embarrasses a peer

Support your child in learning that empathy includes listening and being willing to understand another person’s perspective, even when the harm wasn’t intentional.
Accountability at this age means:
- Listening rather than defending right away
- Recognizing how someone else experienced the situation
- Thinking about how to repair trust moving forward
Learning how to repair mistakes helps children build stronger relationships and resilience.

Friendships + Social Situations

Key Points

Friendships often become more layered in fourth grade. Children may feel more aware of social groups, belonging, and how they are perceived by others. This can lead to situations that feel confusing or emotionally charged.
It is common for children to begin navigating:
- Shifting friend groups
- Inclusion or exclusion dynamics
- Disagreements that feel more personal
- Pressure to agree with group behavior
Help your child understand that friendships naturally change as children grow. Conflict and misunderstandings are normal parts of learning how relationships work.

Encourage conversations that help your child think critically about friendships:
- Do you feel respected in this friendship?
- Can you disagree and still feel comfortable?
- Do you feel pressure to act differently to fit in?
Supporting your child in identifying friendships that feel supportive and respectful helps build confidence and healthy social expectations.

Trusted Adults

Key Points

As independence grows, children may feel like they should handle situations on their own. Fourth grade is a good time to reinforce that trusted adults are still an important part of their support system.
Children this age may not always know whether something is serious enough to talk about. Let them know they don’t need to have everything figured out before reaching out for help.
Real-life situations you may notice:
- Ongoing friendship stress
- Something online that feels confusing
- Situations where your child feels unsure how to respond

Keep conversations open and remind your child that trusted adults help children think through situations, not just solve problems for them.
Continuing to revisit who their trusted adults are helps reinforce that support is available when needed.
Telling Tree Activity

Body Safety + Privacy

Key Points

By fourth grade, body safety is less about rules and more about understanding privacy, respect, and personal comfort. Children may begin wanting more autonomy around their bodies, which is a normal part of development.
Help your child understand that privacy is connected to respect, both for themselves and for others.
Real-life situations you may notice:
- Increased desire for personal space
- Curiosity or jokes among peers about bodies
- Questions about medical visits or personal boundaries

Support your child in understanding that:
- They have a right to privacy and comfort
- They can ask questions during medical situations
- Respectful behavior includes honoring other people’s privacy as well
Continue using correct body part names in calm, matter-of-fact ways. Clear language supports confidence and communication as children grow.

Online Safety, AI + Digital Citizenship

Key Points

Fourth graders are often spending more time online, whether through games, school devices, messaging, or videos. As their exposure grows, online safety becomes less about simple rules and more about helping children make thoughtful choices about what they see, share, and believe.
This is a good age to introduce the idea of digital citizenship. Being a good digital citizen means thinking about how our actions online affect both ourselves and others, just like in real life.
A big part of this is privacy. Continue reinforcing that private information is anything that helps someone know who you are, where you are, or how to contact you. At this age, children can begin understanding that privacy is about staying in control of what they share.

You might say:
- “Before we share something online, we stop and think about who might see it.”
- “Privacy helps you stay in control of your information.”
Help your child notice that small details can add up. A photo, username, or background image can sometimes reveal more than they realize.
Children may also begin encountering content that looks real but isn’t. This is a good age to introduce the idea that technology, including AI, can create images, videos, or stories that are not always accurate representations of real life. The goal is not to scare them, but to help them pause and think critically about what they see online.

Real-life situations you may notice:
- Wanting to share something quickly without thinking
- Sharing photos or videos without noticing personal details in the background
- Friends asking for usernames or passwords
- Seeing videos or images that seem surprising, confusing, or hard to believe
- Interacting with people in online games or digital platforms
Help your child build habits that encourage thoughtful online behavior:
- Pause before sharing
- Ask before posting something that includes other people
- Check information with a trusted adult when unsure
- Remember that online behavior affects real relationships
- You can also begin introducing the idea that what we share online can shape how others perceive us. Developing these habits now helps children build stronger judgment and responsible digital behavior as their independence grows.

Parent Note:

Children are increasingly exposed to mature or sexualized content online earlier than many adults expect, often accidentally through videos, searches, advertisements, or shared links. At this age, children usually do not seek out this content intentionally, but they may encounter it without understanding what they are seeing.
If your child sees something confusing or upsetting, focus on staying calm, reassuring them that they did nothing wrong, and encouraging them to talk with you or another trusted adult.

5th Grade

5th Grade (10-11)

Fifth grade is often a transition year. Children are becoming more independent, more aware of how they fit into groups, and more sensitive to how others see them. Friendships can feel more intense, and online spaces often play a larger role in daily life. At this age, the goal is less about introducing new skills and more about strengthening judgment. Children are learning to pause, think about consequences, and make choices that reflect who they want to be as they move toward middle school.

Boundaries + Respect

Key Points

By fifth grade, boundaries are closely tied to respect. Children are learning that boundaries are not only about their own comfort but also about recognizing and honoring other people’s limits, opinions, and personal space.
Social situations may feel more complicated now. Humor, teasing, and group dynamics can sometimes blur the line between what feels fun and what feels uncomfortable. Kids may go along with things to avoid standing out or to stay connected with friends.
Real-life situations you may notice:
- Group humor or inside jokes that start feeling uncomfortable but no one says anything
- Pressure to share personal opinions or information in front of peers
- Friends encouraging behavior that feels risky or out of character
- Situations where kids feel they have to agree to stay included

Help your child think about boundaries as something that works both ways. Respect means noticing when someone seems uncomfortable and being willing to adjust.
Encourage your child to pause and ask themselves:
- Does this feel respectful to me and to others?
- Would I want this done to me?
Learning to connect boundaries with respect helps children build stronger relationships and clearer self-awareness.

Emotions, Stress + Self-Regulation

Key Points

Fifth graders often experience stronger emotions tied to friendships, social comparison, and expectations at school. They may feel pressure to respond quickly or react in the moment, especially when social dynamics are involved.
At this age, self-regulation is about recognizing emotional triggers and creating space to respond thoughtfully.
Real-life situations you may notice:
- Reacting quickly to something said in a group chat
- Feeling embarrassed in front of peers and wanting to respond immediately
- Frustration after feeling excluded from plans or conversations
- Stress caused by comparisons with peers socially or online

Help your child understand that strong emotions are normal, especially as social awareness increases. Reflecting after situations happen can help them build awareness of what triggers emotional reactions and what helps them reset.
Encouraging strategies like taking space, stepping away from devices, or talking things through can help children feel more in control of their choices.
The goal is helping children pause before reacting, especially when emotions and social pressure overlap.

Empathy, Accountability + Repair

Key Points

By fifth grade, children are ready to understand accountability as part of healthy relationships. They are beginning to see how actions can affect others beyond the moment, especially when situations involve groups or digital spaces.
Children may still focus on intent, but this year is about helping them recognize impact as well.
Real-life situations you may notice:
- Something shared privately being passed around more widely than expected
- Group jokes that feel harmless to some but hurtful to others
- Realizing a comment or post affected someone’s reputation or feelings
- Social misunderstandings that spread quickly among peers

Support your child in understanding that accountability is about repairing trust and learning, not punishment.
Repair may look like:
- Listening to how someone else experienced the situation
- Acknowledging impact without immediately defending intent
- Taking responsibility and making changes moving forward
Learning how to repair mistakes helps children develop maturity and stronger social confidence.

Friendships, Group Dynamics + Influence

Key Points

Friendships in fifth grade often feel more complex. Group dynamics become more influential, and children may feel pressure to fit in or maintain their place socially.
Kids this age are learning how to balance belonging with personal values.
Real-life situations you may notice:
- Gossip or rumors spreading within groups
- Shifting friend groups or changing social circles
- Fear of being left out of group chats or plans
- Pressure to agree with group opinions to avoid conflict
- Feeling stuck between loyalty to friends and doing what feels right

Help your child understand that it is normal for friendships to change as interests and personalities develop.
Encourage conversations about:
- How friendships feel emotionally, not just socially
- How to step away from drama without escalating it
- When staying quiet feels easier but doesn’t feel right
Children benefit from hearing that friendships can change and that choosing relationships that feel respectful and steady is a sign of growth.

Humor, Teasing + Respect
- As humor becomes more important in friendships, it helps to talk about the difference between joking together and making someone feel targeted or embarrassed.
- A helpful guideline is that jokes should not focus on things people cannot change about themselves or things that are closely connected to who they are.
- Examples include:
  - How someone looks or their body
  - Skin color or cultural background
  - Religious beliefs or traditions
  - The food they eat or bring from home
  - Family differences
  - Disabilities or learning differences
  - Sexual orientation or how someone expresses themselves
- Children may repeat words or phrases they hear from peers or online without fully understanding their meaning. Encourage your child to pause and think about whether a joke could make someone feel embarrassed, unsafe, or singled out.

You might say:
- “A joke stops being funny if someone feels embarrassed or left out.”
- “What feels like a joke to one person might feel hurtful to someone else.”
This is also a good time to reinforce that intention does not always equal impact. Even when someone doesn’t mean to be hurtful, words can still affect others.
Helping children notice reactions, apologize when needed, and adjust their behavior builds stronger friendships and social awareness.

Trusted Adults + Asking for Help

Key Points

As children approach middle school, they often want to solve problems independently. While independence is healthy, knowing when to ask for help is an essential part of growing judgment.
Children this age may hesitate to involve adults because they worry about social consequences or making situations bigger.
Real-life situations you may notice:
- Feeling unsure whether a situation is serious enough to talk about
- Worrying about friendship fallout if adults get involved
- Feeling stuck in a situation but not wanting to seem like they need help
- Not knowing how to handle a social or online situation that keeps escalating
Help your child understand that asking for help is a strategy, not a failure. Trusted adults can help them think through decisions and navigate situations more confidently.

Body Safety + Privacy

Key Points

By fifth grade, body safety centers around privacy, respect, and responsible behavior toward others. Children are becoming more aware of personal appearance and social conversations about bodies, which can make privacy feel more important.
Real-life situations you may notice:
- Comments or jokes among peers about appearance or bodies
- Sharing images or videos without thinking about privacy implications
- Conversations that feel invasive or uncomfortable
- Increased awareness of personal space and physical boundaries

Help your child understand that privacy applies both to themselves and to others. Respect includes not sharing or commenting on someone else’s body or personal information without permission.
Clear, factual conversations about body safety and privacy help reduce embarrassment and support confident communication.

Online Safety, AI + Digital Reputation

Key Points

By fifth grade, children are often communicating, sharing, and interacting online more independently. At this age, online safety is less about learning rules and more about understanding how digital choices can affect friendships, reputation, and future opportunities.
Continue reinforcing strong digital citizenship skills while helping your child think ahead about consequences and context. What feels funny or harmless in the moment may be interpreted differently by others or shared more widely than expected.
Privacy is still important, but the focus now shifts toward judgment. Help your child understand that once something is shared online, it can be copied, forwarded, or saved even if it is later deleted.
You might say:
- “Before you post or send something, imagine who else might see it.”
- “Online choices can affect how people understand you, even outside your friend group.”

At this age, children may also begin noticing how technology and AI shape what they see online. Images, videos, or messages may be edited, generated, or presented in ways that do not reflect reality. Encourage curiosity and critical thinking instead of immediate reactions.
Real-life situations you may notice:
- Group chats where messages or screenshots get shared beyond the original group
- Pressure to respond quickly so they don’t feel left out
- Jokes or comments that feel different once seen by a larger audience
- Sharing posts, images, or opinions without considering long-term impact
- Seeing content that seems real but may be edited or AI-generated

Help your child practice habits that support responsible digital behavior:
- Pause and think before posting or replying
- Consider how a message might be read by different people
- Ask permission before sharing photos or information about others
- Step away from conversations that start to feel uncomfortable or unkind
- Talk to a trusted adult if something online feels confusing or stressful
This is also a good time to introduce the idea of digital reputation. Help your child understand that the way they communicate online contributes to how others see them, and that thoughtful choices online help build trust and respect.
The goal is not perfection but awareness, helping your child develop judgment and confidence as digital independence grows.

Key Points

By fifth grade, many children begin encountering sexualized content online, even when they are not actively looking for it. Recommendation algorithms, autoplay features, shared links, and group chats can expose children to mature material unexpectedly.
Some of this content may be confusing, unrealistic, or portray relationships and behavior in ways that are unhealthy or aggressive. Children at this age usually do not have the context to understand what they are seeing.
If your child encounters sexualized content:
- Stay calm and avoid reacting with anger or shame
- Reassure them that they did nothing wrong
- Encourage questions and open conversation
- Remind them they can always come to you or another trusted adult if something online feels confusing or uncomfortable
The goal is not to control everything your child sees, but to help them develop critical thinking, healthy expectations, and comfort asking for support when needed.

Kindergarten (5-6)

Permissions

Key Points

Kindergarten is a great time to help children practice what asking permission looks like in everyday life.
One goal is teaching children to ask before taking or using something that belongs to someone else. You can practice together by passing an item back and forth while modeling simple language. For Example:
- Parent: “Can I borrow what you’re holding?”
- Child: “Yes.”
- Child: “Can I borrow what you’re holding?”
- Parent: “Yes.”

Another important topic is to have children ask before touching someone else. You can practice this in a similar way. For example:
- Parent: Can I give you a hug?
- Child: Yes. (hugs parent)
- Child: Can I give you a hug?
- Parent: Yes. (hugs child)
Practice also what happens when someone else says “no.” Repeat these example scenarios with your child, with the answer being no instead, and model appropriate responses by saying:
- That’s okay!
- No problem!
- Maybe next time!
Talk about how it can feel when someone says no. Feeling disappointed or frustrated is normal, and those feelings can always be shared with a trusted adult.

Boundaries

Key Points

Children have boundaries, even when they are still learning how to express them. Help your child learn simple words to communicate those boundaries.
Let your child know it is okay to say no to hugs or touch, even with family members. Phrases like “no thanks,” “I’m okay,” or “not right now” all count as a no.
If someone does not respect their no, remind them to tell a trusted adult.
Modeling matters! By modeling behaviors, we show children that adults also engage in this behavior, and encourage them to follow. When you need to help your child with cleaning, caregiving, or first aid, narrate what you are doing so they understand the touch is safe.
For example, if your child scrapes their knee, you can narrate what you are doing to keep them healthy. A sample script might be:
- “I am touching your leg now to take a look at your knee.”
- “I am going to use this cleaner to make sure I get all of the dirt out. It may sting a little bit, just let me know if it hurts too much.”
- “I am going to touch the injury to put this ointment on. It will help your scrape feel better.”
This teaches children that safe touch is explained, respectful, and meant to help.

Emotions

Key Points

Children experience many emotions every day. Helping them name feelings builds confidence and safety.
Instead of labeling emotions as good or bad, help your child understand that all feelings are normal. Labeling emotions as neutral, whether they are ours or our childs’, allows the child to recognize that feelings are normal.
We want children to be able to feel, identify, and handle the emotions that come up.
To start, we can teach children how to identify their emotions–whether they are strong or quiet. We can talk about how they might feel inside, or how their bodies might react.
- Happy: smiling, bouncy, giggling
- Calm: quiet, relaxed, slow breathing
- Sad: teary, quiet, ball in throat
- Angry: tight muscles, words that feel like they’re going to spill out
With your child, make a plan for how they might handle their emotions. What emotions are hard for them to handle? How can they return to a calm baseline? What emotions do they enjoy feeling?
- To return to a calm baseline, you can recommend:
  - Talking to a trusted adult about how they’re feeling.
  - Mindfulness exercises for kids, like taking a few deep breaths in and out or coloring.
  - Letting energy out safely, like running around or playing.
The goal is not to avoid feelings but to recognize and handle them safely.

With your child, make a plan for how they might handle their emotions. What emotions are hard for them to handle? How can they return to a calm baseline? What emotions do they enjoy feeling?
- To return to a calm baseline, you can recommend:
  - Talking to a trusted adult about how they’re feeling.
  - Mindfulness exercises for kids, like taking a few deep breaths in and out or coloring.
  - Letting energy out safely, like running around or playing.
The goal is not to avoid feelings but to recognize and handle them safely.

Empathy

Key Points

From a young age, it’s important to incorporate recognizing the feelings of others into conversations with children.
Now that we’ve taught them about their own emotions, we can teach them how to recognize the same feelings in others.

Have your child practice questioning how others might feel based on the actions they take or words they might say. For example:
- “How would you feel if someone took your toy without asking?”
- “How might another child feel if that happened to them?”
These conversations help children connect actions with emotions and build respect for others.

Trusted Adults

Key Points

At this age, we should encourage children to talk to the trusted adults in their lives when they feel uncomfortable, when something is wrong, and when someone doesn’t follow the rules.
You may notice we use the term trusted adult instead of safe adult. For young children, “safe” can sometimes mean someone who feels nice or familiar. We use trusted adult to help children focus on adults who listen, respect boundaries, and help them when something feels wrong. Trust is built through actions.
- It is important to know that prevention research and child advocacy work consistently show that harm usually comes from people children know or feel comfortable with, not strangers.
- This aligns with trauma-informed practice. From a clinical and advocacy perspective, “safe adult” can accidentally sound absolute, which isn’t always how children experience relationships. “Trusted adult” feels more realistic and empowering.
Teach your child to tell a trusted adult if:
- They feel unsafe for any reason
- Someone asks them to keep a secret
- Someone hurts their feelings
- Someone hurts their body
- They know someone else got hurt

Making a list of trusted adults with your child is a great way to prepare them with a safe, reliable group of people to approach if they encounter a situation where adult intervention is needed. Make sure to include people from different parts of their life, such as home, school, and activities.
- You can use the Telling Tree activity to help your child identify trusted adults and talk about why each person feels safe. This is a great way to start a discussion, including the following questions:
  - “How has this adult shown that they are safe?”
  - “What kinds of things can I tell this person?”

Clean + Healthy Rule

Key Points

The Clean and Healthy rule helps children understand that the only people who may need to look at or touch private parts are trusted adults who are helping keep them clean or healthy.
Clean
- Explain that when they were very small, they could not keep themselves clean. You or another caregiver had to do that for them, like giving them a bath.
- Now that they are older, they don’t need as much help keeping themselves clean.
- Let them know that sometimes, there are times when they may need help–like if they have a cast that needs a special covering before a shower, or if they have hair on their head that they need help washing.
- Tell your child that no adults should be offering to help keep them clean, and if they do, to tell you or another trusted adult.

Healthy
- Talk to your child about the importance of making sure they are healthy and growing properly. At yearly checkups, their pediatrician does need to look at or touch their private parts (of course, with their guardian’s permission).
- However, a doctor or medical provider who is not doing a checkup or making sure they are healthy does not count as a doctor who can look at or touch their private parts. For example, a doctor who is making sure a child’s foot is healing from a break does not need to look at their private parts.
- Remind your child that you will be in the room with them, and if they ever feel uncomfortable, you can set up a signal–like a hand squeeze or a special word.
- Tell your child that when it doesn’t make sense for a doctor or medical provider to be looking at specific areas of the body, they shouldn’t be doing so, and to tell you or another trusted adult.

Parent Note:

Why we use correct body part names
- Using correct body part names helps children communicate clearly if they ever have a question or need help. It also teaches children that every part of their body is normal and not something to feel embarrassed about. You can use simple, matter-of-fact language, just like you would for any other body part.

1st Grade (6-7)

Permissions

Key Points

At this age, children can begin understanding that permission shows respect for other people’s bodies, feelings, and belongings.
Continue practicing asking before taking or touching something that belongs to someone else, and help your child notice how permission helps everyone feel comfortable.
You can model permission in everyday moments:
- “Can I sit next to you?”
- “Can I borrow this?”
- “Do you want a hug?”
Talk about how people may answer differently and that everyone has a right to say yes or no. If someone says no, help your child practice respectful responses such as:
- “Okay.”
- “Maybe another time.”
- “Thanks for telling me.”

Boundaries

Key Points

First graders are learning to express preferences and make small independent choices at school and with friends. This is a good time to help them practice clear, simple boundary language.
Remind them:
- They can say no to touch or play that makes them uncomfortable.
- It is okay to change their mind, even after saying yes.
- They can ask for space if they need it
- They should tell a trusted adult if someone does not listen.
Talk about everyday situations where boundaries might come up:
- A game that becomes too rough
- A friend wanting to hug or hold hands when they don’t want to
- Someone standing too close or taking their things
- Classmates joking in a way that doesn’t feel good
Model boundaries at home by checking in before physical affection or activities. For example:
- “Do you want a hug or a high five?”
- “Is this okay?”
This helps children understand that boundaries are normal for everyone, including adults.
Helpful phrases to practice:
- “No thanks.”
- “I don’t like that.”
- “Please stop.”
- “I need space.”

Emotions

Key Points

Children at this age are getting better at recognizing feelings but may still need help managing strong emotions.
Continue helping your child name emotions and notice how their body feels. You can ask:
- “What does that feeling feel like in your body?”
- “What do you think helped you calm down?”
Practice simple calming strategies:
- Taking slow breaths
- Talking to a trusted adult
- Moving their body
- Taking a quiet break
The goal is helping your child recognize feelings and make safe choices when emotions feel big.

Empathy

Key Points

First grade is a good time to deepen empathy by helping children connect actions with how others feel.
Ask questions that help them think about perspective:
- “How do you think your friend felt when that happened?”
- “What could you do differently next time?”
These conversations help children begin thinking about responsibility, kindness, and respect.

Trusted Adults

Key Points

Children should know they can always go to a trusted adult when something feels confusing, uncomfortable, or unsafe.
Review together when to tell a trusted adult:
- If something feels unsafe
- If someone asks them to keep a secret
- If someone hurts their feelings or body
- If they are worried about a friend
Revisit your trusted adult list regularly. As children grow, their trusted circle may expand to include teachers, coaches, or school staff. Telling Tree Activity.

Parent Note:

Why we say “trusted adult”
- We use trusted adult instead of safe adult because “safe” can sometimes mean “nice” or “familiar” to kids. Trust is built through actions. A trusted adult listens, helps, and respects boundaries.
- At this age, some children worry about “telling” or getting someone in trouble. Remind your child:
  - Telling a trusted adult is not tattling when someone feels hurt, unsafe, or uncomfortable. Trusted adults are there to help.

Clean + Healthy Rule

Key Points

The Clean and Healthy Rule reminds children that private parts are only touched or seen when a trusted adult is helping keep them clean or healthy.
Clean
- Children are becoming more independent with hygiene, but may still need help in certain situations.
- Remind them:
  - Help with cleaning should always make sense.
  - Adults should not randomly offer help with private areas.
  - If something feels confusing, they should tell a trusted adult.

Healthy
- Explain that doctors may need to examine private parts during checkups to make sure children are healthy.
- Help your child understand:
  - You will be with them during medical visits.
  - They can ask questions.
  - If something feels uncomfortable, they can tell you.

Parent Note:

Why we use correct body part names
- Using correct body part names helps children communicate clearly and confidently. It also teaches that all body parts are normal and not something to feel embarrassed about

Online Safety + Devices

Key Points

Many first graders use shared devices for games, videos, or school activities. This is a great time to start building healthy digital habits together.

Parent Note:

At this age, online safety is less about rules and more about staying involved. Watching, playing, and exploring together helps children learn what safe online experiences look like.
Children at this age still need adult guidance while using technology.
Introduce the idea of privacy:
- Private information is information about you that we only share with people we know and trust, including:
  - Your full name
  - Where you live
  - Your school
  - Your phone number
  - Passwords
  - Pictures or videos of you
Help your child practice simple safety rules as a basic skill, even if they are not using devices regularly:
- Use devices in shared spaces, not alone behind closed doors.
- Ask before downloading, clicking, or sharing anything.
- Tell a trusted adult if something online feels confusing, upsetting, or scary.
- Take breaks and balance screen time with play and movement.
Remind your child that the same rules about kindness, permission, and boundaries apply online too.
Introduce one simple problem-solving step:
- If something online feels confusing, strange, or upsetting, stop and tell a trusted adult right away.
You can reassure your child that:
- They won’t get in trouble for telling you
- You can figure things out together
This builds trust before online situations become more complex in later grades.

2nd Grade (7-8)

Permissions

Key Points

At this age, children understand that permission is about respect for other people’s bodies, feelings, and belongings.
Continue practicing everyday permission, and add one new skill: checking in when someone seems unsure. Help your child practice:
- asking before borrowing or using something that belongs to someone else
- asking before touching (even during play)
- noticing hesitation and checking in: “Is this okay?”
Talk about how permission is ongoing. Someone can change their mind at any time, and we respect that.
You might say:
- “Did you check if that was okay?”
- “How can we make sure everyone feels comfortable?”
If someone says no, practice respectful responses like:
- “Okay.”
- “Thanks for telling me.”
- “Maybe next time.”

Boundaries + Peer Pressure

Key Points

Second graders spend more time in group settings, and they may feel pressure to go along with friends. This is a good age to teach that boundaries matter even when other kids disagree.
Remind your child:
- They can say no to touch, games, jokes, or dares that make them uncomfortable
- They can change their mind, even if they already said yes
- Good friends respect boundaries
- They do not have to do something just because “everyone else is doing it”
Talk through everyday situations such as:
- Being dared to do something
- Rough play that goes too far
- Games that stop feeling fun
- Jokes that feel mean or embarrassing
- Kids piling on, teasing, or excluding someone

Help your child notice early signs that something might be crossing a boundary:
- Their body feels tense or nervous
- They feel unsure but don’t want to speak up
- Something that was fun starts to feel uncomfortable
Practice simple phrases:
- “I don’t want to do that.”
- “Let’s do something else.”
- “I’m going to stop now.”
- “That doesn’t feel fun anymore.”
Help your child understand that if someone won’t stop or keeps pushing, they can always walk away and talk to a trusted adult.

Emotions + Choosing Responses

Key Points

Second graders are learning that feelings can be strong, but they still have choices about how they respond. This year is about noticing emotions earlier and practicing safe ways to handle them, instead of reacting automatically.
Help your child practice:
- Naming the feeling (sad, frustrated, worried, embarrassed, angry)
- Recognizing body signals (tight muscles, fast heartbeat, tears, loud voice)
- Pausing before reacting
- Choosing what to do next
You can ask:
- - “What were you feeling right before that happened?”
  - “How did your body feel?”
  - “What helped you calm down?”
  - “What could you try next time?”

Helpful strategies include:
- Taking a breath or a short break
- Counting slowly
- Moving their body (walk, stretch, run outside)
- Using words instead of actions
- Talking to a trusted adult
The goal is not avoiding feelings. It’s helping children pause, think, and learn safe ways to handle them.

Empathy + Repairing Mistakes

Key Points

Second graders can begin understanding impact, not just intention. They are also learning how to repair a friendship after something goes wrong.
Encourage conversations about:
- noticing how someone else feels
- recognizing when they hurt someone’s feelings
- taking steps to make things right

You might ask:
- “How do you think they felt?”
- “What do you think they needed in that moment?”
- “How can you fix it?”
Learning to repair mistakes helps build strong, respectful friendships. This can sound like:
- “I’m sorry.”
- “I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings.”
- “Do you want to play something else?”

Secrets vs Surprises

Key Points

Second graders may start hearing about secrets from friends. This is a great age to teach a simple rule that protects kids without scaring them.
Explain:
- Surprises are happy, temporary, and eventually shared (like a birthday gift).
- Secrets that make you feel worried, uncomfortable, or scared should always be told to a trusted adult.
Remind your child:
- “You will never be in trouble for telling a trusted adult something that made you uncomfortable.”
- “If someone says ‘don’t tell,’ that’s a sign you should tell.”

Trusted Adults

Key Points

As children grow more independent, it is important they know who they can go to when something feels confusing, uncomfortable, or unsafe.
Teach your child to talk to a trusted adult if:
- Something doesn’t feel right
- Someone ignores their boundaries
- Someone asks them to keep a secret
- They are worried about themselves or a friend
- Something online feels confusing or upsetting
Review and update your trusted adult list together. Include adults from different parts of their life such as home, school, and activities. (Telling Tree)

Parent Note:

Why we say “trusted adult”
- We use trusted adult instead of safe adult because “safe” can sometimes mean “nice” or “familiar” to kids. Trust is built through actions. A trusted adult listens, helps, and respects boundaries.
Help your child understand:
- They can ask for help even if they are not sure something is wrong
- Trusted adults help children figure things out safely
- They will never get in trouble for asking questions or speaking up

Clean + Healthy Rule

Key Points

The Clean + Healthy Rule helps children understand that private parts are only touched or seen when a trusted adult is helping keep them clean or healthy.
Clean
- Children are more independent at this age but may still need help sometimes.
- Remind them:
  - Help with cleaning should always make sense.
  - Adults should not ask to help without a clear reason.
  - If something feels confusing, they should tell a trusted adult.

Healthy
- Doctors may need to examine private parts during checkups to make sure children are healthy.
- Help your child understand:
  - You will be with them during medical exams.
  - They can ask questions.
  - They can speak up if something feels uncomfortable.
  - Medical touch should make sense for the reason they are at the doctor

Parent Note:

Why we use correct body part names
- Using correct body part names helps children communicate clearly and confidently. It also teaches that all body parts are normal and not something to feel embarrassed about.

Online Safety & Devices

Key Points

Second graders may begin using devices more independently for games, videos, schoolwork, or messaging. This is a good time to practice noticing and responding to situations online, not just following rules.
Continue talking about privacy:
- Private information is information that helps someone know who you are or where to find you, so we protect it carefully., and how it includes details that can identify your child or help someone find them, such as:
  - Full name
  - Age
  - School name
  - Address or neighborhood
  - Phone number
  - Passwords
  - Photos or videos that show where you are

Teach your child:
- Ask before downloading, sharing, or messaging
- Do not share personal information (full name, school, address, phone number, passwords)
- Tell a trusted adult if something online feels confusing, surprising, upsetting, or scary
- Remember that people online may not always be who they say they are
- If something feels off, stop and ask for help
Remind your child that the same rules about kindness, permission, and boundaries apply online too.

Parent Note:

Children do not need to manage online situations alone. Staying involved and checking in regularly builds strong digital habits before challenges become more complex.

3rd Grade (8-9)

Boundaries

Key Points

Third graders are spending more time with friends, teams, and group activities. At this age, boundaries often show up in social situations, not just physical touch. They may feel pressure to go along with friends, so this is a good age to reinforce that boundaries still matter in groups.
Help your child understand that boundaries apply to:
- Touch and personal space
- Words and jokes
- Games and group activities
- Online interactions

Remind your child:
- It is okay to say no to touch, teasing, jokes, or games that do not feel good, even when friends say yes
- They can stop participating if something stops feeling fun
- They can change their mind at any time
- Good friends respect boundaries
Talk through real-life situations such as:
- Jokes that start to feel mean or embarrassing
- Dares or pressure to do something uncomfortable
- Rough play that goes too far
- Friends pushing after someone says no

Helpful phrases to remember:
- “Stop. I don’t like that.”
- “That’s not funny to me.”
- “I’m not doing that.”
- “I’m going to do something else.”
Teach your child that if someone keeps ignoring their boundaries, it is time to walk away and tell a trusted adult.
Continue modeling boundaries at home by checking in before physical affection or personal space.

Reading Body Language

Key Points

In previous years, your child has learned more about their own emotions and how they can have empathy for others. In third grade, children can begin noticing that people communicate with their faces and bodies, not just words. This supports empathy, boundaries, and safer choices.
You can share these examples with them to get the conversation started.:
- What do emotions look like on your child’s face?
  - For example, a child may say they know they are happy when they smile.
- What do emotions look like on other people’s faces?
  - For example, a child may say that they can tell when their friend is sad because they are frowning.

Next, talk to your child about different things people’s bodies may show.
- What do emotions look like in your body?
  - For example, a child may say that they know they are frustrated when they are crossing their arms.
- What do emotions look like on other people’s bodies?
  - For example, a child may say that they can tell when their friend is excited when they are jumping up and down.
Give some examples body language that could mean a person is uncomfortable
- Crossed arms, stepping back, looking away, quiet voice
- Laughing that seems forced
- Stiff body during a hug or game
Teach a simple rule:
- If someone looks uncomfortable, pause and check in.
- If you are not sure, ask.
- If someone says no or seems unsure, stop.

Emotions & Problem-Solving

Key Points

Third graders are beginning to experience bigger feelings connected to friendships, fairness, and belonging. At this age, the goal is helping children notice their emotions early and use them to make thoughtful choices instead of reacting quickly.
Help your child learn that feelings give us information, but they do not have to control our behavior.
Practice noticing:
- What am I feeling right now?
- What is my body doing? (tight muscles, fast heart, tears, loud voice)
- What choices do I have next?

A simple framework you can practice together: Pause → Name → Choose
- Pause: take a breath or slow down
- Name it: identify the feeling (frustrated, embarrassed, left out, angry, excited)
- Choose: decide what to do next safely
You can ask:
- “What were you feeling in that moment?”
- “What did your body feel like?”
- “What helped you calm down?”
- “What else could you try next time?”

Common situations for this age:
- Feeling left out during a game
- Losing or being corrected in front of friends
- Thinking something is unfair
- Getting frustrated when rules change
Help your child practice healthy responses:
- Taking a short break
- Using calm words
- Asking for help
- Walking away before reacting
The goal is not perfection. It is helping children understand that they always have choices about how they respond.

Empathy & Repairing Mistakes

Key Points

At this age, children begin understanding that their actions affect other people in different ways. They also start learning that even when something was not meant to hurt, it can still impact someone else.
Empathy means noticing how someone else might feel, even if their reaction is different from our own.
Help your child practice:
- Noticing facial expressions and tone of voice
- Thinking about how someone might feel in a situation
- Understanding that two people can feel differently about the same event

You can ask:
- “How do you think they felt when that happened?”
- “What do you think they needed in that moment?”
- “What could you do differently next time?”
Learning to Repair
- Third grade is a great time to teach that mistakes happen and relationships can be repaired.
- Repair is more than saying “sorry.” It can include:
  - Acknowledging what happened
  - Checking in with the other person
  - Changing behavior next time

Examples:
- “I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings. Are you okay?”
- “I see that upset you. I’ll stop.”
- “Do you want to play something else?”

You can also help children understand:
- Sometimes friends need space before talking again.
- Repair takes time.
- Everyone makes mistakes, and learning from them is part of growing.
These conversations help children build healthier friendships and stronger communication skills.

Friendships & Social Situations

Key Points

Friendships become more important and more complicated in third grade. Children may start navigating group dynamics, disagreements, or changing friendships. Learning how to handle these situations helps build confidence, empathy, and safety skills.
Help your child understand what healthy friendships look like:
- Friends are kind and respectful
- Friends listen when someone says no
- Friends do not pressure others to do things that feel uncomfortable
- Friends can disagree and still be respectful

Talk about what is normal in friendships:
- Friends sometimes argue
- Feelings can get hurt
- Friendships may change over time
Help your child recognize when something feels unhealthy:
- Repeated teasing or embarrassment
- Being pressured to do something that feels wrong
- Feeling left out all the time
- Friends ignoring boundaries
You can ask:
- “How do you feel when you are with this friend?”
- “Do you feel comfortable being yourself?”
- “What happens when you disagree?”

Practice Simple Strategies

Help your child try:
- Using calm words to share how they feel
- Taking a break when emotions are big
- Choosing different friends or activities when something doesn’t feel right
- Including others when possible
Remind your child:
- It is okay for friendships to change
- They do not have to stay in situations that feel confusing or hurtful
- Asking a trusted adult for help is always okay
Friendships should feel mostly safe, respectful, and supportive, even when there are disagreements.

Trusted Adults

Key Points

As children grow more independent, it is important they know who they can go to when something feels confusing, uncomfortable, or unsafe, both online and offline.
Teach your child to tell a trusted adult if:
- Something does not feel right
- Someone ignores their boundaries
- Someone asks them to keep a secret
- Someone hurts their feelings or body
- They feel worried about themselves or a friend
- Something online makes them uncomfortable
Create or revisit your trusted adult list together. Include adults from different parts of their life, such as: (Telling Tree)
- Home
- School
- Activities or sports
- Extended family or close family friends

Parent Note:

Why we say “trusted adult”
- We use trusted adult because trust is built through actions. A trusted adult listens, helps, and respects boundaries.
Important reminder for this age:
- Sometimes children worry they will get someone in trouble by telling. Remind your child that trusted adults are there to help keep everyone safe, not to punish them for speaking up.

Clean + Healthy Rule

Key Points

The Clean + Healthy Rule helps children understand that private parts are only touched or seen when a trusted adult is helping keep them clean or healthy.
Clean
- Children are more independent with hygiene, but may still need help sometimes. Explain that help with cleaning should always make sense and should never feel confusing or secret.
- Remind your child:
  - Adults should not ask to help with private areas without a clear reason
  - If something feels confusing, they should tell a trusted adult

Healthy
- Doctors may need to examine private parts during checkups. Explain:
  - You will be present during medical visits
  - Your child can ask questions
  - Your child can speak up if something feels uncomfortable
  - Medical touch should make sense for the reason they are at the doctor

Parent Note:

Why we use correct body part names
- Using correct body part names helps children communicate clearly and confidently. It also teaches that all body parts are normal and not something to feel embarrassed about.

Online Safety & Devices

Key Points

Third grade is a good time to teach privacy, safe communication, and what to do if something shows up online that feels confusing or uncomfortable.
Reiterate that private information is information that helps someone know who you are, where you are, or how to contact you.
- You could say:
  - “Some information is okay to share, but some information helps people figure out who you are or where you live. That kind of information stays private unless a trusted adult says it’s okay to share.”
  - “We protect private information so we stay safe and in control of what we share.”

Private information includes:
- Full name
- Age
- School name
- Address or neighborhood
- Phone number
- Passwords
- Usernames
- Photos or videos (especially anything that shows a school name, sports jersey, street sign, or location)

Help your child understand:
- Once something is shared online, it can be hard to take back
- People online may not always be who they say they are
- Kindness, permission, and boundaries apply online just like offline

Teach your child to:
- Ask before downloading, posting, or messaging
- Only chat with people and platforms you approve
- Avoid sharing personal information or photos
- Stop and tell a trusted adult if something feels confusing, upsetting, or strange
Practice “What If” situations:
- What if someone asks where you go to school?
- What if someone asks for a photo?
- What if someone sends a message that feels weird or mean?
- What if someone asks you to keep a chat secret?

Important point for this age:
- When talking to children about the internet, share with them the importance of only talking to people that they know in “real life.” The goal is not to scare them, but to help them recognize that there are lots of strangers on the internet.
  - Privacy rules: Help your child understand that there are many strangers on the internet–just like there are many strangers in real life. We don’t know these people at all, so sharing anything or interacting with them wouldn’t be safe.
  - It is also important to tell your child that there might be people who we know in real life who do engage in unsafe behaviors online. Tell your child that any behavior that would make them uncomfortable if a stranger did it is also not okay if it is somebody they know.
  - Telling a trusted adult immediately if anyone asks for private info, photos, or secrecy

A simple rule that can never be repeated enough: If something online feels confusing, surprising, or uncomfortable, stop and tell a trusted adult right away.

Gaming and social features
- Remind your child that games can include messaging, voice chat, friend requests, and links. The same rules apply:
  - Do not accept friend requests without checking with an adult
  - Do not move to private chats
  - Do not click unknown links

Introducing Artificial Intelligence
- At this age, children do not need to understand how AI works. The important thing to know is:
  - Not everything online is made by a real person
  - Not everything online is real or true
  - If something seems confusing, surprising, or strange, it is okay to pause and ask a trusted adult
- You can explain this to your child:
  - Sometimes computers make things that look very real, but they might not show something that actually happened.
- Help your child practice simple thinking skills:
  - Ask questions about what they see
  - Avoid sharing things right away
  - Check with a trusted adult if they are unsure

Parent Note:

At this age, online safety works best when adults stay involved. Regular check-ins and shared experiences help children build safe habits before challenges become more complex.
The goal at this age is not to teach technical details. It is to help children start thinking critically and understand that online content isn’t always what it seems.

4th Grade (9-10)

Boundaries

Key Points

By fourth grade, boundaries become less obvious. Instead of clear yes-or-no moments, they often show up in social situations, group humor, or activities where everyone else seems comfortable but your child feels uncertain.
Children this age are becoming more aware of fitting in. They may go along with things they don’t actually enjoy because they don’t want to stand out or disappoint friends. It’s common for kids to realize after the fact that something felt uncomfortable, even if they couldn’t name it at the time.
Help your child understand that boundaries can shift. A situation that felt okay at first can stop feeling okay, and recognizing that change is an important skill, not a problem.
Real-life situations you may notice:
- Teasing that starts playful but becomes embarrassing
- Group jokes that leave someone out
- Pressure to share something personal
- Friends encouraging risky or uncomfortable behavior

Talk with your child about paying attention to what people’s faces, voices, and body language might be showing. The goal isn’t to expect children to read minds, but to build awareness that social situations involve both words and signals.
- Laughing that feels forced
- Feeling uneasy or nervous
- Wanting something to stop but not knowing how to say it
Encourage your child to check in when they are unsure or to pause and reconsider if someone seems uncomfortable. Learning to notice social cues helps children adjust their behavior and maintain respectful relationships.
Children at this age often worry about upsetting friends or being excluded. Remind them that healthy friendships make space for everyone to feel comfortable.

Reading Body Language + Social Cues

Key Points

By fourth grade, children begin noticing more subtle social signals. They may recognize when someone’s words and behavior don’t fully match, but they are still learning how to interpret those moments and respond thoughtfully.
At this age, social interactions move quickly. Kids may not pause to notice when someone looks uncomfortable, withdraws from a group, or shifts their tone. Helping your child slow down and observe these cues supports both empathy and stronger social decision-making.
Real-life situations you may notice:
- A friend says they are fine but seems upset
- Someone stops participating but doesn’t explain why
- A game or joke keeps going even though someone looks uncomfortable

Talk with your child about paying attention to what people’s faces, voices, and body language might be showing. The goal isn’t to expect children to read minds, but to build awareness that social situations involve both words and signals.
Encourage your child to check in when they are unsure or to pause and reconsider if someone seems uncomfortable. Learning to notice social cues helps children adjust their behavior and maintain respectful relationships.

Emotions + Decision-Making

Key Points

Fourth graders are becoming more aware of their emotions but may still react quickly when feelings are strong. Situations involving friendships, fairness, or embarrassment can trigger fast decisions before thinking through the outcome.
This stage is about helping children connect feelings with choices. Instead of focusing on controlling emotions, the goal is helping them recognize emotions early enough to make thoughtful decisions.
Real-life situations you may notice:
- Reacting quickly during an argument
- Responding impulsively when feeling left out
- Saying or sending something while upset

Help your child reflect on how emotions show up physically, such as feeling tense, restless, or eager to react immediately. These signals can act as early warning signs that it may be helpful to pause.
Conversations after situations happen are often most effective. Ask questions that encourage reflection:
- What were you feeling at that moment?
- What choices did you have?
- What might you try differently next time?
Over time, these conversations help children build self-awareness and stronger decision-making skills.

Empathy + Accountability

Key Points

Fourth graders are ready to begin understanding that impact matters just as much as intention. Children may not mean to hurt someone, but their words or actions can still affect others in ways they didn’t expect.
This is a common age for kids to focus on intent, saying things like, “I was just joking.” Helping them think beyond intent builds maturity and social awareness.
Real-life situations you may notice:
- A joke that hurts someone’s feelings
- Excluding someone without realizing it
- Sharing something that embarrasses a peer

Support your child in learning that empathy includes listening and being willing to understand another person’s perspective, even when the harm wasn’t intentional.
Accountability at this age means:
- Listening rather than defending right away
- Recognizing how someone else experienced the situation
- Thinking about how to repair trust moving forward
Learning how to repair mistakes helps children build stronger relationships and resilience.

Friendships + Social Situations

Key Points

Friendships often become more layered in fourth grade. Children may feel more aware of social groups, belonging, and how they are perceived by others. This can lead to situations that feel confusing or emotionally charged.
It is common for children to begin navigating:
- Shifting friend groups
- Inclusion or exclusion dynamics
- Disagreements that feel more personal
- Pressure to agree with group behavior
Help your child understand that friendships naturally change as children grow. Conflict and misunderstandings are normal parts of learning how relationships work.

Encourage conversations that help your child think critically about friendships:
- Do you feel respected in this friendship?
- Can you disagree and still feel comfortable?
- Do you feel pressure to act differently to fit in?
Supporting your child in identifying friendships that feel supportive and respectful helps build confidence and healthy social expectations.

Trusted Adults

Key Points

As independence grows, children may feel like they should handle situations on their own. Fourth grade is a good time to reinforce that trusted adults are still an important part of their support system.
Children this age may not always know whether something is serious enough to talk about. Let them know they don’t need to have everything figured out before reaching out for help.
Real-life situations you may notice:
- Ongoing friendship stress
- Something online that feels confusing
- Situations where your child feels unsure how to respond

Keep conversations open and remind your child that trusted adults help children think through situations, not just solve problems for them.
Continuing to revisit who their trusted adults are helps reinforce that support is available when needed.
Telling Tree Activity

Body Safety + Privacy

Key Points

By fourth grade, body safety is less about rules and more about understanding privacy, respect, and personal comfort. Children may begin wanting more autonomy around their bodies, which is a normal part of development.
Help your child understand that privacy is connected to respect, both for themselves and for others.
Real-life situations you may notice:
- Increased desire for personal space
- Curiosity or jokes among peers about bodies
- Questions about medical visits or personal boundaries

Support your child in understanding that:
- They have a right to privacy and comfort
- They can ask questions during medical situations
- Respectful behavior includes honoring other people’s privacy as well
Continue using correct body part names in calm, matter-of-fact ways. Clear language supports confidence and communication as children grow.

Online Safety, AI + Digital Citizenship

Key Points

Fourth graders are often spending more time online, whether through games, school devices, messaging, or videos. As their exposure grows, online safety becomes less about simple rules and more about helping children make thoughtful choices about what they see, share, and believe.
This is a good age to introduce the idea of digital citizenship. Being a good digital citizen means thinking about how our actions online affect both ourselves and others, just like in real life.
A big part of this is privacy. Continue reinforcing that private information is anything that helps someone know who you are, where you are, or how to contact you. At this age, children can begin understanding that privacy is about staying in control of what they share.

You might say:
- “Before we share something online, we stop and think about who might see it.”
- “Privacy helps you stay in control of your information.”
Help your child notice that small details can add up. A photo, username, or background image can sometimes reveal more than they realize.
Children may also begin encountering content that looks real but isn’t. This is a good age to introduce the idea that technology, including AI, can create images, videos, or stories that are not always accurate representations of real life. The goal is not to scare them, but to help them pause and think critically about what they see online.

Real-life situations you may notice:
- Wanting to share something quickly without thinking
- Sharing photos or videos without noticing personal details in the background
- Friends asking for usernames or passwords
- Seeing videos or images that seem surprising, confusing, or hard to believe
- Interacting with people in online games or digital platforms
Help your child build habits that encourage thoughtful online behavior:
- Pause before sharing
- Ask before posting something that includes other people
- Check information with a trusted adult when unsure
- Remember that online behavior affects real relationships
- You can also begin introducing the idea that what we share online can shape how others perceive us. Developing these habits now helps children build stronger judgment and responsible digital behavior as their independence grows.

Parent Note:

Children are increasingly exposed to mature or sexualized content online earlier than many adults expect, often accidentally through videos, searches, advertisements, or shared links. At this age, children usually do not seek out this content intentionally, but they may encounter it without understanding what they are seeing.
If your child sees something confusing or upsetting, focus on staying calm, reassuring them that they did nothing wrong, and encouraging them to talk with you or another trusted adult.

5th Grade (10-11)

Boundaries + Respect

Key Points

By fifth grade, boundaries are closely tied to respect. Children are learning that boundaries are not only about their own comfort but also about recognizing and honoring other people’s limits, opinions, and personal space.
Social situations may feel more complicated now. Humor, teasing, and group dynamics can sometimes blur the line between what feels fun and what feels uncomfortable. Kids may go along with things to avoid standing out or to stay connected with friends.
Real-life situations you may notice:
- Group humor or inside jokes that start feeling uncomfortable but no one says anything
- Pressure to share personal opinions or information in front of peers
- Friends encouraging behavior that feels risky or out of character
- Situations where kids feel they have to agree to stay included

Help your child think about boundaries as something that works both ways. Respect means noticing when someone seems uncomfortable and being willing to adjust.
Encourage your child to pause and ask themselves:
- Does this feel respectful to me and to others?
- Would I want this done to me?
Learning to connect boundaries with respect helps children build stronger relationships and clearer self-awareness.

Emotions, Stress + Self-Regulation

Key Points

Fifth graders often experience stronger emotions tied to friendships, social comparison, and expectations at school. They may feel pressure to respond quickly or react in the moment, especially when social dynamics are involved.
At this age, self-regulation is about recognizing emotional triggers and creating space to respond thoughtfully.
Real-life situations you may notice:
- Reacting quickly to something said in a group chat
- Feeling embarrassed in front of peers and wanting to respond immediately
- Frustration after feeling excluded from plans or conversations
- Stress caused by comparisons with peers socially or online

Help your child understand that strong emotions are normal, especially as social awareness increases. Reflecting after situations happen can help them build awareness of what triggers emotional reactions and what helps them reset.
Encouraging strategies like taking space, stepping away from devices, or talking things through can help children feel more in control of their choices.
The goal is helping children pause before reacting, especially when emotions and social pressure overlap.

Empathy, Accountability + Repair

Key Points

By fifth grade, children are ready to understand accountability as part of healthy relationships. They are beginning to see how actions can affect others beyond the moment, especially when situations involve groups or digital spaces.
Children may still focus on intent, but this year is about helping them recognize impact as well.
Real-life situations you may notice:
- Something shared privately being passed around more widely than expected
- Group jokes that feel harmless to some but hurtful to others
- Realizing a comment or post affected someone’s reputation or feelings
- Social misunderstandings that spread quickly among peers

Support your child in understanding that accountability is about repairing trust and learning, not punishment.
Repair may look like:
- Listening to how someone else experienced the situation
- Acknowledging impact without immediately defending intent
- Taking responsibility and making changes moving forward
Learning how to repair mistakes helps children develop maturity and stronger social confidence.

Friendships, Group Dynamics + Influence

Key Points

Friendships in fifth grade often feel more complex. Group dynamics become more influential, and children may feel pressure to fit in or maintain their place socially.
Kids this age are learning how to balance belonging with personal values.
Real-life situations you may notice:
- Gossip or rumors spreading within groups
- Shifting friend groups or changing social circles
- Fear of being left out of group chats or plans
- Pressure to agree with group opinions to avoid conflict
- Feeling stuck between loyalty to friends and doing what feels right

Help your child understand that it is normal for friendships to change as interests and personalities develop.
Encourage conversations about:
- How friendships feel emotionally, not just socially
- How to step away from drama without escalating it
- When staying quiet feels easier but doesn’t feel right
Children benefit from hearing that friendships can change and that choosing relationships that feel respectful and steady is a sign of growth.

Humor, Teasing + Respect
- As humor becomes more important in friendships, it helps to talk about the difference between joking together and making someone feel targeted or embarrassed.
- A helpful guideline is that jokes should not focus on things people cannot change about themselves or things that are closely connected to who they are.
- Examples include:
  - How someone looks or their body
  - Skin color or cultural background
  - Religious beliefs or traditions
  - The food they eat or bring from home
  - Family differences
  - Disabilities or learning differences
  - Sexual orientation or how someone expresses themselves
- Children may repeat words or phrases they hear from peers or online without fully understanding their meaning. Encourage your child to pause and think about whether a joke could make someone feel embarrassed, unsafe, or singled out.

You might say:
- “A joke stops being funny if someone feels embarrassed or left out.”
- “What feels like a joke to one person might feel hurtful to someone else.”
This is also a good time to reinforce that intention does not always equal impact. Even when someone doesn’t mean to be hurtful, words can still affect others.
Helping children notice reactions, apologize when needed, and adjust their behavior builds stronger friendships and social awareness.

Trusted Adults + Asking for Help

Key Points

As children approach middle school, they often want to solve problems independently. While independence is healthy, knowing when to ask for help is an essential part of growing judgment.
Children this age may hesitate to involve adults because they worry about social consequences or making situations bigger.
Real-life situations you may notice:
- Feeling unsure whether a situation is serious enough to talk about
- Worrying about friendship fallout if adults get involved
- Feeling stuck in a situation but not wanting to seem like they need help
- Not knowing how to handle a social or online situation that keeps escalating
Help your child understand that asking for help is a strategy, not a failure. Trusted adults can help them think through decisions and navigate situations more confidently.

Body Safety + Privacy

Key Points

By fifth grade, body safety centers around privacy, respect, and responsible behavior toward others. Children are becoming more aware of personal appearance and social conversations about bodies, which can make privacy feel more important.
Real-life situations you may notice:
- Comments or jokes among peers about appearance or bodies
- Sharing images or videos without thinking about privacy implications
- Conversations that feel invasive or uncomfortable
- Increased awareness of personal space and physical boundaries

Help your child understand that privacy applies both to themselves and to others. Respect includes not sharing or commenting on someone else’s body or personal information without permission.
Clear, factual conversations about body safety and privacy help reduce embarrassment and support confident communication.

Online Safety, AI + Digital Reputation

Key Points

By fifth grade, children are often communicating, sharing, and interacting online more independently. At this age, online safety is less about learning rules and more about understanding how digital choices can affect friendships, reputation, and future opportunities.
Continue reinforcing strong digital citizenship skills while helping your child think ahead about consequences and context. What feels funny or harmless in the moment may be interpreted differently by others or shared more widely than expected.
Privacy is still important, but the focus now shifts toward judgment. Help your child understand that once something is shared online, it can be copied, forwarded, or saved even if it is later deleted.
You might say:
- “Before you post or send something, imagine who else might see it.”
- “Online choices can affect how people understand you, even outside your friend group.”

At this age, children may also begin noticing how technology and AI shape what they see online. Images, videos, or messages may be edited, generated, or presented in ways that do not reflect reality. Encourage curiosity and critical thinking instead of immediate reactions.
Real-life situations you may notice:
- Group chats where messages or screenshots get shared beyond the original group
- Pressure to respond quickly so they don’t feel left out
- Jokes or comments that feel different once seen by a larger audience
- Sharing posts, images, or opinions without considering long-term impact
- Seeing content that seems real but may be edited or AI-generated

Help your child practice habits that support responsible digital behavior:
- Pause and think before posting or replying
- Consider how a message might be read by different people
- Ask permission before sharing photos or information about others
- Step away from conversations that start to feel uncomfortable or unkind
- Talk to a trusted adult if something online feels confusing or stressful
This is also a good time to introduce the idea of digital reputation. Help your child understand that the way they communicate online contributes to how others see them, and that thoughtful choices online help build trust and respect.
The goal is not perfection but awareness, helping your child develop judgment and confidence as digital independence grows.

Key Points

By fifth grade, many children begin encountering sexualized content online, even when they are not actively looking for it. Recommendation algorithms, autoplay features, shared links, and group chats can expose children to mature material unexpectedly.
Some of this content may be confusing, unrealistic, or portray relationships and behavior in ways that are unhealthy or aggressive. Children at this age usually do not have the context to understand what they are seeing.
If your child encounters sexualized content:
- Stay calm and avoid reacting with anger or shame
- Reassure them that they did nothing wrong
- Encourage questions and open conversation
- Remind them they can always come to you or another trusted adult if something online feels confusing or uncomfortable
The goal is not to control everything your child sees, but to help them develop critical thinking, healthy expectations, and comfort asking for support when needed.

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